Take me to the River....

I got baptized yesterday! It was a crazy day, but awesome nonetheless. Here is the email I wrote to a friend about the event:

Ok, so my original plan was to hang out with Laura yesterday then leave her house to go get baptized since they do it in Hoover and she lives in Pelham. I was really ok with going alone because I knew I would have the folks from the church and really, it is very personal to me to do that. Didn’t really feel like I needed an audience or anything right?

Well Sunday rolls around and Jason was being pissy about having Liv all day by himself. I took her to church, brought her home, then I tried to call Laura and couldn’t get her, so I just left her a message that we’d do it another time. I still planned on being baptized though. So Valerie came over, we ate lunch and played sing star. It was fun, but Liv was SO tired. So Jason took her upstairs to try and get her to nap. At about 3:40 I told Vali I had to go get ready as I had to be there at 4:30, so I go upstairs prepared to find Liv and Jason napping. Nope, she is wide awake. He is grumpy because she won’t sleep. So I asked him- “Do you guys just want to come with me?”.

Honestly at that point, I kinda wanted them there. It is a really special moment in my life and I thought how nice would it be for Liv to see it and for Jason to really witness how important it is to me? Well, that ain’t happenin’……

Jason: Do you have to go today? Can’t you do it next week? How long will it take? I’m just gonna sit in the car. I’m not dressed to go in….
Me: No, they only do it once a month. It should take about an hour total. Can’t you just throw on some jeans? (I am hurt at this point that he is being so flippant about something so important to me!)
Jason: An hour?!?! Good Lord, why?
Me: Because there will be several people there. I can’t be rude and rush to the front so I can get you home in time to watch the Simpsons!!!

So long story short, he drove, Liv conked out in the backseat. He and I got into a HEATED argument. He mentioned that I was changing and that we had nothing in common anymore.

Girls, I LOST IT on him. I told him that we had been together for 10 years and in that time that I had really tried to make a good life for us. I tried to be responsible and please everyone with what we did, where we went, what we watch, eat, etc…. and I felt like I was constantly apologizing for inconveniencing him when I wanted to do something (IE: Be baptized) for me. I constantly take the fall or let HIM take a nap, let HIM go out, etc… and it was wearing me thin. I don’t care about the small material things, I just wanted him to GROW UP and be a MAN and not the 17 year old that I met 10 years ago. I told him he needed to find something in common with me or he could just find something in common with somebody else because this is my life, these are my values and if wanted to continue to let his past with religion and his parents prevent him from being a whole person then that was his choice and I wasn’t going to continue to coax him into being a grown-up! I’d just had enough!

So we fell silent and I went into the church. I was sad and angry and shaking. I felt that I really wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be there and that I should have been more happy. Then I looked around and I was the ONLY person that was alone. (BTW-Sam, thank you so much for offering to come with me, I love you for that. I was truly hoping Jason would have come through and that’s the only reason I didn’t take you up on it. As you’ll see as you read this though, everything happens for a reason!) Some people brought their entire family with them, some their spouses and some with their kids. Then I got very sad and threw myself a good pity party. I even thought about walking out. The flashbulbs were going off, proud dads stood with their video cameras….It was just killing me.

A woman named Gloria came by and asked me if they could video me for next weeks service. They wanted to interview me. I thought about it and accepted. I was nervous, but I told them my story and how I started coming 6 months ago and since then have gotten something out of every service and decided since this month is my birthday that I wanted to give God something back for giving me everything I want or need in my life right now.

Then I just started to pray about it. I figured if God wanted me to stay that I would feel better. And slowly I realized that I wasn’t alone. I had God and all these people with me and even though they didn’t drive me there, or we weren’t related, that they were family and friends too. So I watched the kids go up, brave and proud and be baptized. I prayed for them all and prayed for myself. I prayed that Dad and Pop and Peggie knew that I was doing this and prayed that they’d be proud of me.

Then it was my turn. I was nervous, but excited. I went up there, did my prayer, and got dunked. It was warm and wonderful. I could have hung out in that pool all day! I gave the pastor a hug and went to get dressed. When I walked out, Jason was standing by the car. He ran up to me and hugged me hard and started to cry. He told me that he had been watching all the families walking in and out, holding hands and laughing and he realized how selfish and stupid he was. He knew that he was concerning himself too much with material things and money and status and not enough on just enjoying me and Liv and being more open minded. He begged me to forgive him and I did. He cried and I cried and we talked all the way home. He is actually coming to church with me next Sunday. J I know it’s a baby step, but it is good enough for me!

So all in all, a very rough, but wonderful and emotional day. I think it was meant to be like that. I kept asking God on the way to get baptized what this was about and why Jason was being like that. I think it was meant to be that he went with me and had his epiphany. I know we are better off for it now.

Anyways, just wanted to share that with you guys since you have all been really wonderful and supportive as friends and really helped me find my faith by coming to church with me or for Sam who introduced me to COTH, thank you SO much. It has helped my life immensely to find this and be a part of it. I am so happy to have friends that I can talk to about it and go with and not feel weird or ashamed.

I love you guys!!!!